Friday, April 23, 2010

change.



Bend, Oregon has held a special place in my life for the last three years. I have shared many memorable moments with friends from this place on spring and winter breaks. As I sit in the Portland airport awaiting my flight to Bend, my heart feels heavy. There is something about this trip that feels different than my last three.

On Wednesday I picked up my cap and gown from the office of the undergraduate registrar of Azusa Pacific University. I will be participating in my collegiate graduation ceremony in fifteen days. On Sunday evening my roommate informed me that our land lord was going to sell our house, preventing its passing on. On August the fourteenth I am getting married to my girlfriend of three years in Carlsbad, California.

Considering all of these events that are in my very near future I understand the state of my heart. My heart is in distress. So much change is occurring in such a short period of time that I feel as though I am falling apart. Sure I will be reconstructed, however will I recognize myself when I look in the mirror six months from now? I’m trying to jump the gun and start to acquaint my old self to my new self.

I am about to board my flight and the only word that comes to mind when I think of how I am feeling is “terrified”. All I know is southern California… Covina… The Bungalow… Tim, Wes, Nick, Taylor, Werner, Chris, Myles, Justin, Michael, Keith, Alex, Paige, and everyone of our friends… our family.

To all of you, I love you dearly… I’m crying. I love you so fucking much I don’t know how to deal with leaving you. I have tried as hard as I can to let you know that I love you and I have tried to be a good friend to each of you.

Change is so hard.

I have no regrets. I have lived these past four years to the absolute fullest. Just when I thought I couldn’t grow any more, my friends and my family pushed me further. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life.

I’m thankful.

I am thankful.

I am so thankful.